Always
by nightchild81
Summary: My version of how Katniss and Peeta grow back together. Set before Mockingjay Epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

**_I always wanted to know what happened between the ending of Mockingjay and the epilogue. So I decided to make my own story and get it out here. I hope you guys like it. _**

**_I don't own any of the characters, they all belong to Suzanne Collins_**

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><p>I sit in the chair across the fire place day after day waiting for time to pass. That seems to be a big problem for me, time. As long as it exists I will never heal. I've been sitting in this chair since we came back from the Capital. I don't know how long it's been exactly, if it's been weeks or months. All I know is that I lost the one person I cared most about. My little duck, she's gone and it's all my fault. I spend my days thinking about her, imagining what would life be like if she didn't...I can't even bring myself to think about that word. I think of all the good memories we had together, but I regret it as soon as the sun goes down.<p>

Night is the worst time for me, I tried not to sleep at first so I could avoid the nightmares that haunt my nights. But I soon realized that it wasn't possible. So when I finally let sleep take my, the nightmares begin. At first I would wake up screaming so loud, Haymitch would come running in to check on me. But after a while he stopped coming. And I haven't seen him since then. I guess he can't stand the sight of me, but I don't blame him. I can't stand myself either. When I first came back home I saw myself in the hallway mirror, and I lost it. I smashed the mirror with my bare hands, which I regretted later. So when Greasy Sae came in and saw the bloody mess that were my hands, she grabbed some bed sheets and covered all the mirrors downstairs. She didn't bother with upstairs because I never go up there. Her room is there; my little duck, and I know that it's not a good idea if I go in there because I know that I would lose it and I don't want to ruin any of her things.

I stare into the fire place, thinking about everything that happened after I shot Coin. All I wanted was to take the little blue pill and join all the others that died for me. And I would have if it wasn't for Peeta. I don't know what he was trying to do, but it's his fault that I'm here right now. He crushed the pill, and I still don't know why. Does he still care for me, after all that happened to him? Of course not, how could he? I don't know what happened to Peeta once I left the Capital. All I know is that I'll probably never see him again, which is better for me anyway. Just staying here on my own so I can't hurt anyone else.

The phone starts ringing for the fourth time today and I I do what I always do when that happens, ignore it. Once it stops I go back to staring at the fire. I should hate fire, after all it has destroyed in my life. But for some reason this fire keeps me calm, it's contained not like the one on the stairs of the palace.

I hear the front door open, Greasy Sae comes, which means it's either breakfast or dinner time. I don't know why she keeps coming in and cook for me, I never eat any of it. But she still comes in and cooks for me, cleans the house and then she goes. I look out the window and I see darkness, which means it's dinner time. She tries to get me to eat, but eventually gives up leaving the full plate next to me on the table. I hear the door close, and I am alone for the night. I grab my blanket off the floor and let my eyes close waiting for the nightmares to start.

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><p><em>Thats it for the first chapter. I Hope you guys like it. Please review it would mean the world to me.<em>


	2. Chapter 2

I wake to a crash. I look around the living room for an intruder, when I see the dinner plate from last night on the floor in pieces. I must have been thrashing in my nightmares and sent the plate with the food crashing to the ground. I throw my blanket next to the broken plate, and head for the window. The sun is just starting to rise on Victor's Village. I miss the feel of the sun on my skin, and the wind around me. I haven't stepped outside since coming back to District 12. There's no reason for me to be out there, no one here that I need to hunt for. No more Prim, or my mother to take care of.

I am about to go back to my chair and start the fire when I see movement outside my house. I yank open the door, thinking Greasy Sae forgot her key again when I see him. It's Peeta. I will myself to wake up, thinking it's just another nightmare. I wait for him to transform to a mutt, or jump on trying to kill me. But it never happens, and I know I must be awake. He looks at me with his blue eyes startled.

"You're back." I say

"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," Peeta says. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."

I look at Peeta, he hasn't changed since I last saw him. The clouded look in his blue eyes is gone. Back to the old Peeta, minus the burn scars.

"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her," he says. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."

Peeta is busy on the ground with something in his hands. When I look at what he was talking about, I finally understand what he was saying. He's planting her flower. Primroses, for her. I feel the burning in my eyes, and run back inside the house, not wanting to see or speak to anyone. Especially Peeta.

I decide to take a shower, and wash away all the dirt and memories along with it. I step into the shower, the water is hot and I don't care. I let it run down my head to my toes. I stand there for a while, thinking that the water might get rid of all the memories, and I will come out like the old Katniss, the one before the reaping, the one with a sister and a mother to care for. But that will never happen, because my sister is gone and my mother doesn't care about me anymore. She probably can't look at me without thinking of Prim. I don't blame her.

I give up after a while and step out of the shower, I head for the hallway closet and grab my father's hunting jacket before I head upstairs to my room. I run up the stairs past Prim's room and into my room. I leave the jacket on the bed, find some pants and a shirt in the dresser. I get dressed quickly, put on my hunting jacket and boots and run back downstairs. Back at the closet, I grab my bow and arrows and leave the house heading for the woods.

I walk through town, and see Thom and the others cleaning up. I walk quietly past them not wanting to talk to anyone right now. At the fence I still wait and listen for the electric hum, but I know that there will be nothing there. I duck under the fence and make my way to the spot where I meet up with Gale. Its spring, and the woods look the same as every year. But I'm the only thing here that has changed. I look around me thinking of all the days Gale and I sat in this spot. I close my eyes, thinking that when I open them Gale will be there like always. But he's gone off in District 2, and I doubt I'll ever see him again.

I get up to leave, I can't bring myself to go hunting. Not yet.

I make my way back home, I come to a stop outside the door and look at the Primroses that Peeta planted. Tears come to my eyes, and I can't stand there anymore. I walk inside the house and head for my chair in front of the fire. I grab my blanket and sit and stare at the fire like most nights. But tonight my thoughts are not just of Prim, Peeta is there too. All the days in the games, and the time we spent together in District 2. And it feels like I am losing him all over again. Memories of the day he was first back in District 13 from the Capital come back to haunt me. The cloudy look in those blue eyes, his hands around my neck. Tears spring to my eyes, and in that moment I wish I was in his arms.

I fall asleep thinking of the old Peeta, knowing that he will never be that way again.

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><p><strong><em>Thanks for reading. Please review and let me know if you like it, or even if you don't. <em>**


	3. Chapter 3

_**So here's chapter 3. Im finally getting the hang of writing a bit longer chapters. I hope you like it.**_

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><p>I am standing in the woods waiting for someone. But I don't remember how I got here. I look around trying to figure out what part of the woods I'm in, but realize that it's not the woods by District 12. Panic sets in when I know that I'm in the 74th Hunger Games arena. I start running wanting to find a way out, but suddenly stop when I hear her screams. I run towards the sound of her voice, not caring about anything in my path. When I finally reach her voice, I see Prim high in a tree screaming. She doesn't notice me, she doesn't even look at me when I scream for her. Her eyes are focused on something is the distance, and that's when I see her. Coin. Coin is there standing with some kind of remote in her hand. She looks at me and smiles, then presses a button. That's when everything turns to fire. I see the tree going up in flames taking Prim with it. I feel the flames lick away at my skin, and I feel the burns all over.<p>

Then everything disappears, and I'm standing alone in Victor's Village. I look around for anyone I know, when I see Peeta walking towards me. I run to him seeking his strong arms to comfort me. He starts running towards me with his arms spread in front of him. I am inches away from him, ready to be in his arms when he reaches for my throat and knocks me to the ground.

"You killed them all." Peeta says

I look into his cloudy eyes and I know that it's not my Peeta. I start choking, knowing that he will kill me right here. It's just me and Peeta, no one here that can help me.

"Peeta, please. It's not real, it's not real. It wasn't my fault." I beg him.

"I am going to kill you Katniss, you mutt. I'm going to kill you." He says to me.

I wake up to my own screams. It was just a nightmare, it's not real. It's not real. I keep repeating to myself, knowing that it won't erase the memory of the nightmare from my mind.

I walk to the kitchen sink and wash my face with ice cold water, not wanting to go back to sleep. Once the nightmares start, I give up on the idea of sleep. My stomach growls and I remember that I haven't ate anything for days. I look around the kitchen when I see them on the table. A plate filled with cheese buns. I take one and take a bite, and know right away that they're from Peeta. He must have come here while I was sleeping and dropped them off. I walk to the front window, and notice that the sun is still not up. There's no signs of anyone outside in Victor's Village, except for the soft glow of light cascading from Peeta's house.

I go to my chair trying to understand why Peeta came back to District 12? Was he forced to come and stay here like me, or did he have nowhere else to go like Haymitch? There are a million questions in my head, but no one here to answer them. All I know that ever since I saw Peeta yesterday with the Primroses, it's like something inside me woke up. I felt hope. But how could I feel hope in a time like this. When I know there will never be such thing for me. My sister is gone, and my mother will never come here to see me. And Gale, the one person who I could talk to about anything is responsible for my sister's death. How could I possibly feel any hope after all that? I feel guilty just thinking it. I don't deserve to be happy, not when I'm the reason for so many lost lives.

I killed all these people. The Peeta in my dream was right. Prim, Finnick, and Cinna. I killed them all. Its my fault. I cannot forget them just because Peeta came back. I can't let myself. But I also can't live the rest of life like this. Holed up in here, in the same chair day after day. Maybe with Peeta back..

My thoughts stop in their track when I hear the door open. I usually don't let something like that distract me. But it's the voices coming in that do. It's his voice, Peeta's. He's talking with Greasy Sae about something I can't make out. They both see that I'm awake and stop.

"Oh, you're up already?" Greasy Sae says with a surprised tone.

"I couldn't sleep." I tell her. But my eyes are on Peeta, waiting for him to say anything.

"I thought I'd bring Peeta here for breakfast, you know some company for you." She says to me.

So Peeta is having breakfast here now?

I walk to the kitchen table, pull the chair out and sit.

Peeta comes to the table and sits across from me. "I made these for you, I remember that you likes them." He says to me pointing towards the cheese buns.

"I do. Thanks." Is all I say, because I too focused on the fact that he actually remembered that they were my favorite.

We sit and stare at random places, but never look at one another. Greasy Sae sets down some eggs and bacon on the table.

"Here you go, and Peeta brought some fresh bread for you this morning." She puts the bread with the cheese buns and heads out the kitchen.

"I'm gonna get going now, you two enjoy." She walks out the door and I'm left alone in the house with Peeta.

He cuts my some bread and put it on my plate. We both eat in silence, because I don't know what to say to him. He takes our plates to the sink, and I just stare at him. Why isn't he saying anything? Is he waiting for me to say something first? He stands by the sink for too long, I wait for him to say something, or to just look at me. But nothing happens.

"Peeta?" I call his name. It's the first time I've said it aloud since so long.

I want him to turn around so I can look see those blue eyes and know what he's feeling. But when he finally does, his eyes are not what I wanted to see. He looks at me with an intense gaze, and all I feel is anger. Because it's not my Peeta that's looking back at me, it's the Capital Peeta. I stay in my chair, not knowing what I should do. I just stay and look at Peeta, waiting for something to happen.

He looks at me, then towards the door and I can't figure out what he's thinking. I stand up about to take a step towards him when he runs for the door.

"I'm sorry." Is all he says before he leaves me all alone wondering about what just happened.

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><p><em><strong>Please review. I really want to know what you think of the story so far. <strong>_

_**Thanks for reading.**_


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